College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
