Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
