porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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