So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
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sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
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Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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