So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
