Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
