They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
