Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
