So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
