My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
