brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
