At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
