So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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