You made me cry and you don't even care
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
mondays should just be called national damage control day
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
