My first STD was from a foam party
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
