Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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