you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
