i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
