I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
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Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
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