he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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