dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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