i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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