new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
