i would punch a child for taco bell
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
