Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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