another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
