After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't turn off my feet"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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