my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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