just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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