I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
