what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
