i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
