This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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