worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
