I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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