You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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