i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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