Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
thus making me awesome and them whores
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Found your dick twin last night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
