If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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