Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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