I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
