I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
