3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
