so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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