His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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