They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
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Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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