Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
