definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
