Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
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Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
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I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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