Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
