she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize