one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
