my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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