Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
