you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
