then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize