on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
