i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
