i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
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I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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