my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
