I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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