You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
