You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
