his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
