he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
