i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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