my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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