Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
