Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The Olympian is in my bed
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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