i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
