I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Randomize
