im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
