New invention idea: vibrating tampons
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
