I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
