Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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