I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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