I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
