and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
