I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
