the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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