things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
